Scott Walker has sold us out to Cthulhu

In light of shameful recent events, it has come to my attention that there is a much deeper and more disturbing situation going on here.

I was discussing this situation with a friend last night (likely about the time that the GOP senators in WI were illegally passing their sociopathic bill) and he made the claim that people like the Koch (Cock) Brothers are most likely satanists. He made it very clear that he was not joking. The Koch Brothers (and indeed, much of the Tea Party libertarian movement) do not, if you look at the evidence, exhibit a sincere desire to help America get back on its feet. Indeed, almost everything that they have attempted to do has been a direct attack on people with little or not hope of balancing budgets or getting the economy on track. Let me rephrase: Everything that they have done has been designed to hurt people. They have done nothing whatsoever to help people get back on their feet and make this country a better place to live.

Not very christian of them. Indeed, as my friend argued, this is exactly the sort of behavior that a satanist would engage in. A real satanist would go to church every Sunday. They would couch almost all of their rhetoric in almost the exact same ways that Scott Walker has, and respond to prank phone calls in the same way as well.

And so, I must politely disagree with my friend. You see, I think that this whole thing is a deviously subtle plot from the Old One, Dread Cthulhu! Think about it. Koch Industries has a long record of ecological disregard. They want to destroy people’s spirits, take away their rights, and sell them toilet paper and napkins.

Isn’t this exactly the sort of behavior that you’d expect from a cult to Cthulhu? Look at it from a strategic standpoint. Do they honestly expect this whole ploy to strip collective bargaining rights is going to work? The political climate is not quite right for it. Indeed, public opinion is just conservative enough that this whole thing is guaranteed only to sow the seeds of chaos and dissent and create unrest. That’s not the sort of New World Order that a satanic cult would endorse. No, no. Either this is a serious tactical blunder (I refuse to believe they are that stupid), or their intention was to create chaos and disorder all along! Think about it, the Koch Brothers are up in their castle keep, chanting dissonant, vulgar prayers to their god of destruction, glorying in the cries of the protesters. This is what they want! The state troopers are moving into the capital and forcefully removing protesters.

Is it only a matter of time before riots break out? Chaos and disorder, my friends, is all that this whole thing has managed to create. And so you have to ask yourself. What’s more likely? That Scott Walker, Rupert Murdoch, and the Koch Brothers are part of a vast cult to Cthulhu, which has successfully managed to deflect the very real and justified anger of the Tea Party at public unions and social programs in order to create widespread panic, confusion, chaos and the death of the American dream? Or that people are actually this evil, nasty, bigoted, disturbed, sociopathic, and (in the Tea Party’s case) stupid, that they would deliberately target public unions, NPR, and Planned Parenthood in a misguided effort to create a society governed by paternal ethics and a corporate oligarchy/police state?

Which is more likely? Hmmm?

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn

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