Charlie Sheen is a Loony Toon

In an effort to further fuel the fires of Charlie Sheen’s astonishing media blitz, I feel like it’s my personal moral obligation to add my tiny contribution to the blogosphere on this very important pop culture phenomenon. My very good friend, Q, has sent yet another message from the future detailing the demise of Charlie Sheen. However, I am more interested in just what, exactly, it is that he is doing right now.

Charlie is saying things that are insane. Some of his more lucid moments are from the Piers Morgan show (who the fuck is Piers Morgan, by the way? And just where did he come from?).

Another place to get really good quotes is the Sheen Wars Mashup.

Of course, my personal favorite is the Good Morning America interview.

The thing is, none of this is being taken out of context. All an interviewer has to do is ask him a question and he hands them pure gold! There is a strange sort of bizarre honesty in this kind of insanity. Sheen reveals something to us, the public, that perhaps even he is not aware of.

“I have a ten thousand year old brain and the boogers of a seven year old.”

There’s a peculiar arrogance, conceit, pretension to it all that is almost…what…endearing, maybe? I can’t hate him for being batshit crazy. This kind of megalomania is clearly the product of a diseased mind. I think it comes down to what the media is doing with him, which is exactly what feeds this sort of manic episode: they are feeding him. They are indulging him. And they are doing it, I might add at the public’s demand. The American populace loves the image of a trainwreck. We are rubbernecks by nature. Humans, maybe, are this way. It’s sort of like watching men hack each other to bits in the Roman Coliseum. It’s that kind of thing. We can’t get enough of this kind of pathos.

“I’m bi-winning. I win here and I win there. Now what?”

He is not, by his own diagnosis, bi-polar. Here’s the deal if you had a friend or an acquaintance, or if there was some random dude at the bar who was saying the sorts of things that Charlie Sheen is saying, what would you think? What would your assessment of that person be? Would he be the sort of person that you would want to make sure got an interview on Good Morning Bloody America? Of course not! Those people are crazy. But Charlie Sheen was in Platoon! That’s the crucial difference.

It doesn’t matter what Sheen says. He is crazy and maybe it makes us feel a little better about ourselves to know it. Just like when celebrities get sick. Maybe Sheen is sick, but nobody is doing anything to give him a legitimate diagnosis, we are just letting him run his mouth and drink his…tiger’s blood…and say these crazy things in these interviews because we are entertained by it! This guy needs help and what do we do? We laugh and make Star Wars mashups.

I’m not even going to make the argument that this is a bad thing. I mean, the things that he says are too priceless not to get on tape. As long as he doesn’t start actually hacking people up with that machete, I say let him go bonkers. Enjoy it while it lasts, because he’s going to crash sooner or later, and once that happens, it’s just going to be sad and someone is going to have to go and pick up the pieces.